whenever she'd hear an explosion, a scream or a violent crash, she wouldn't even bother to turn and look. this is the philippines, after all. in the land where the sound of pigs being slaughtered replaces the usual honk-honk of a car horn, that crash could have been someone's over-amplfied ringtone; another successful attempt to ruin her perfectly good day. the city noise irritated the hell out of her... the jeepney barkers, the roaring engines, the screeching brakes, the conversations around her, the policeman's whistle, the barking of street dogs, the repeated honking of impatient drivers..christ, even the chirping birds!

she made it a habit to snap on her headphones and turn her ipod's volume up before leaving the house and stepping into the busy streets. she listened to whatever was playing, the rest of the stuff she simply heard. tuning out. she's always been gifted in that area. she had a knack for making anything unpleasant blend into the noisy background and thus, ironically, disappear completely from her zone of audibility.

as the clock struck twelve tonight, an uncontrollable desire to stab the people polluting the sky (and insomnia-nizing her) with their fireworks possessed her. she seethed in front of the computer as she worked on that website she was tasked to miraculously create, the whole time wishing she was (a) asleep. (b) conscience-less. or (c) deaf. she types and clicks away, the complicated program taking her mind away from her unexplainable anger for the world in general, and those blasted fireworks.

two hours later, as she sits in front of her laptop half-bitching about and half-working on the damn website, the fireworks have stopped. all she hears now is the ticking of the clock. because of this silence,  there is nothing to cover the voices from within; nothing to turn up and no background to throw it into.

fuck.

at that point in her life, she wished for the noise that used to piss the hell out of her.

damnit. there's nothing worse than a mind that refuses shut down, eyes that refuse to close and that haunting silence that jolts her into painful awareness.